God and the Greater Man

I hate it when someone tells me that he swears in the name of God during an argument, especially at the moment when it’s most heated. It is as like a closure of discussion, with the intention to shut whatever evidence put forth on the table, forcefully stuffed into the topic and herd everyone to a corner. It is like declaring one has God standing by his side, and all will be defying the Almighty if trust was not given to him.

What happens then if I too swear by the same Almighty God? Does that mean it’s my God against his, although it might just be the same Almighty that we’re both referring to? The worst is still not over. That someone just left, without any ends to the argument, but with only a short statement of “You have doubts in what I say!”…

So, the questions; Are we living our lives with God in our hearts or through our months? Is God in our hearts or self in his? Frankly, the answers seem so simple yet never possibly answered with just a few thoughts or words.

Therefore, Children, don’t ever swear in the name of God. Live your lives with the teachings of God in your hearts and do what is deemed right by following the guidance of the heart. God will be there with you so don’t swear in his name.

Housing in Singapore

It is not easy to live in Singapore, or at least to live good. I have to say, I'm not a low income earner, generating a stable income to support a family of 5 (including spouse and children). The family don't really spend much and we eat in most of the time. Yet, it seems that I'm not going to acquire my dream of a nice HDB apartment in an established estate unless I strike lottery.

I used to think, with proper planning for the future, and a little right investment, we will eventually purchase our dream apartment during my mid/late thirties. But housing these days are ridiculous, having to cost a minimum of half million to own a 5-Rm HDB flat. Even a small new 3-Rm apartment from HDB now cost a whopping S$300k. It can be done, but making such purchases would meant to have to reduce our family expenditure somewhere else. Less money for our weekly outings, cancel our yearly holidays and perhaps a definite eat-in in the future.

Frankly speaking, I can't imagine those with monthly income of just over S$1-2k. Yes, they would have to take the smaller flats, live outskirts and suffer the same fate of no outings, holidays and dinning in, but come to think of it, there will be other expenditures such as traveling etc and it the end, struggling to live, living to struggle.

Well. The above is just to make fuss about the housing in Singapore. In general (and frankly), it's the way of life now and the stronger survives better. Not only we now need to plan for the future, we need to ensure the plans work with better coverage of the unforeseen.

The way to go now seems to continue maximising the pot and keep a lookout for bargains. It really pays to save and invest wisely. So children, take this heed and advice. I wouldn't be able to leave much inheritance to you since there're three of you and only me to make a living for the family, so never count on me. But not to worry cos your grandpa didn't provide me much either and if I can survive and have you as my family, you should be fine too. Just live and enjoy your life to the fullest (within means), but with good planning for your future.

Being Adults

When people talk about having children and how wonderful they can be for one's life, they always mentioned how fullfilling the children can be, bring laughter and creating memories each other new day that you'll not exchange for anything else in the world. One good benefit that I would like to add to the list, if it has not already been mentioned (or at least I know, not very often), is that children really teaches us lessons that we, being adults, don't normally (re)learn at our age.

I was once very upset with Ryan. Being an autistic child, he would sometimes (well actually, most of time) whines and scream on little things that upsets him. I was in the middle of finishing my report due for the next day and had tons of other urgent but unimportant stuffs on my mind. Tried very hard to clam him down, making him happy but nothing seems to work. He kept wanting to use the computer I was working on. In a fit of anger, I shouted at home to stay out of the study, and he cried even louder.

Heidi was beside all along playing her toys. She simply made a remark that goes something like "Why do you have to make him cry? See. He wants to play, let him play. Why did you shout at him? Ryan cry, you shout, then he cry louder and louder..."

It woke me up a little. The report wasn't so urgent that I couldn't just save my work and let Ryan use the computer for 15 minutes. It's my mindset that I shouldn't be disturbed at that instance.

I stopped working for an hour after hearing Heidi. She had opened my mind and taught me to relax a little. And of course to treat Ryan better. Played 15 minutes of computer (Youtube) with him and moved on to the other urgent but unimportant stuffs before heading back to my report. Everything else went smooth thereafter.

There. One old lesson that I'd relearn through my daughter. And maybe more from Ryan.

Scarry Week

It's the worst week ever since we moved into Polhems. Never did we find ourselves in such situations when all of us, all five members in the family, fell sick. Really really sick. On the funny side, it's also the first time when I realised that the children could be so quiet in the middle of the day.

Ryan was the first to contract the virus. He started coughing and vomitting, lying in bed not wanting to do anything all. Ross was happy then to see Ryan laying down not retaliating his attacks. At least not the virual form. He was the next to fall. It was very sudden. One moment Ross was jumping up and down, the next moment he starting throwing up. By the forth day, all in the family were contracted.

I could still remember it was 12 noon, when all of us laid on the mattresses in the bedroom. Time passed slowly the sleep was not very peaceful for me. Had to keep a watch on the children's fever and time for medication. Anyways, the important was that I somehow enjoyed the quietness in the cool winter afternoon which I couldn't remember when the last was.

It's been a week now, and I'm back to work. The children are not fully recovered yet, but they are now more active than when it just started. It's really been a painful week, when both Christine and myself were ill at the same time. Wasn't easy at all without any assistance, and I'd really appreciate the presence of my parents when they were with me here in Sweden. Dad and Mum worried alot when I called to update, especially of the children.

Well children, see how mum and dad suffered when you'd fallen ill? Just wanted you to know that we really put in our hearts while you grow, so learn to appreciate us...

Politics....Office

It can be annoying, but it seems to be staying if you're working in a humanised environment. It wouldn't be worse but definitely not getting better over time. Friends can be enemies and enemies can be friends, just when or where you'll need them.

Hate these. Never thought that it can bother me at all, but they just creeped up from being over the years and before you know it, you're well in the middle of it,laying the games as it should be, so as not to be hurt. Come to think of it, the pleasure of winning in such games can be so fulfilling, but when the guilt sinks in, you start thinking whether if all's worth that much.

There's always a difference in everyone's capabilities. Some are better, some just want to skim his way through, while others are trying to struggle away in a day's job hoping he'll still be around the next day. The fact is, we're living in a world which we can escape from this. It's human nature, it's suvivial instinct, it's the way should be.

But then again, it really depends on what you want in life. I've chosen. Although at times, I do still want opportunities to strive towards higher grounds, I've chosen. My family's more important how. So long as one does his fair share of work, and be naive in what others think of oneself, it's really not as bad to ignore the politics. It doesn't matter if one really excel in the office, or climbed the highest ladder to the everyone's-dream-position. So long as I return home to a happy family, spending time on television with Christine, working with the kids' sums and listening to what they have learn over the day, that's more than what it should be in my life.

So, remember children, don't dispair in life if you find youself surviving hard in the office arena. There's always something more of a higher priority in life so loosen up a little. Stay high and away for a while to recollect your thoughts. Once you've done that, things will definitely be well better than you previously thought.

Feeling Life

It hasn't been easy, and never will be smooth sailing, being parents. With the births of the twin, I started to experience what it was really like - to feel life as it should be. Happiness, contentment, satisfaction, anxiety, heartbroken .... it goes on and on.

As with most twins, they came prematured (35 weeks) and not without minor complications. Ross and Ryan were both too small to be discharge and Ryan especially, had to be closely monitored in the incubator. There were needles of similar length as compared to his little arms and legs, sticking out from his tiny hand. As his hands were still too weak to have the needles on for days, they merried-go-round the needle among his fours to ensure he wasn't hurt too much on either one limb. It wasn't a sight one could easily bear. I tried persuading Christine to stay and tend to Ross during the 3 weeks period. She visited Ryan once, and cried. Although we knew Ryan was safe, we couldn't help but feel the ache in our hearts throughout the long 3 weeks.

That was the first experience as a parent, and I know now it'll keep coming for the rest of my life. It has always been on time really.

Ross was luckier. He was discharged shortly after gaining some weight and was happily back in the comfort of our bedroom. Perhaps that's the reason why Ross has always been the more cheerful one as compared to Ryan. Nevertheless, he too contributed his fair share of our aches, but that's something I would write another time.

I naively thought we were ready (parenthood) after we knew about the expectancy and all the preparation readings. One could never be, even if you've been a parent once, twice or trice. Everything similar is never the same, so one'll just need to learn and grow along the way, feeling life as it should be.

Dear children,
Thank you all for letting me grow with you. Without you all, my life experiences will just be lingering around when I married your mum. Perhaps I'll then alway be her only pampered one.....

Love,
Dad

A Blissful Start

I can still vividly remember, the day I was informed that Christine was expecting. We were at the Emergency Department of our local general hospital late midnight due to complications with Christine's pneumatorax (lung colapses). There was plenty of movements and we were like ants scuttling around places in the ED for consultations, scans and payments with the doctors, nurses and registerations.

But everything suddenly just came to a standstill when a doctor came to inform that we're expecting our baby (babies in the end as it turn out to be twins). Christine was always laughing away on how I stood dazed in the ED for minutes before coming to. Never did believed her but I really couldn't recall what happened during that few minutes. It seems to be a fact that I couldn't really handle good news. The other time which I was caught in a daze was when the obstetrician updated we'll be having twins, but that was only for a mere few tens of seconds.

Anyways, the rest of the expentency came by with the intense shopping of baby clothings and toys. We decorated our new apartment, sectoring off a part of our bedroom for the baby cradles, organising weekend get-togethers with friends, knowing that this may be the very few last gathering before the heavy works of parenthood arrives, and god knows what we could think of to say goodbye to sweet old couplehood.

Well, the boys came to this world on 7th Jun 2002. Yes, I do agree that they have since been a great pain in our daily lives, but I will not trade anything for that not to happen. Looking back at the pictures and videos we took over the years, I couldn't think of anything more meaningful than being a part of their lifes and growing up with them.

Boys, stay off the Wii and television..... and stop the screaming.

Meaning

It can be very demoralising to know that one would not be remembered for more than 2 or 3 generations down, except for a few lucky ones who made their names in history. While I was bathing the other day, a thought just came through my mind that we humans are actually as puny as an ant could be.

Come to think of it, I don't even remember who my grandparents were, paternal or maternal. I mean, it's not like I want to forget them, it's just that I was too young to even remember anything. There were no photographs to remind me of them, no books nor letters. Just some stories that my dad had told me about. The problem with stories, it's like reading someone else's and it's not at all personal.

The thinking made me wonder if there could be more for me to do for my children. With the technology available these days, I could easily made some clips or write sometime to store somewhere so that they could watch or read them someday, with or without me around. I tried blogging previously... a few years back, but that didn't last, probably it's only out of curiosity. Perhaps with a new meaning to why I should start blogging again....

Here's to my beloved kids...Ross, Ryan and Heidi.

Love you all...
Dad.