Feeling Life

It hasn't been easy, and never will be smooth sailing, being parents. With the births of the twin, I started to experience what it was really like - to feel life as it should be. Happiness, contentment, satisfaction, anxiety, heartbroken .... it goes on and on.

As with most twins, they came prematured (35 weeks) and not without minor complications. Ross and Ryan were both too small to be discharge and Ryan especially, had to be closely monitored in the incubator. There were needles of similar length as compared to his little arms and legs, sticking out from his tiny hand. As his hands were still too weak to have the needles on for days, they merried-go-round the needle among his fours to ensure he wasn't hurt too much on either one limb. It wasn't a sight one could easily bear. I tried persuading Christine to stay and tend to Ross during the 3 weeks period. She visited Ryan once, and cried. Although we knew Ryan was safe, we couldn't help but feel the ache in our hearts throughout the long 3 weeks.

That was the first experience as a parent, and I know now it'll keep coming for the rest of my life. It has always been on time really.

Ross was luckier. He was discharged shortly after gaining some weight and was happily back in the comfort of our bedroom. Perhaps that's the reason why Ross has always been the more cheerful one as compared to Ryan. Nevertheless, he too contributed his fair share of our aches, but that's something I would write another time.

I naively thought we were ready (parenthood) after we knew about the expectancy and all the preparation readings. One could never be, even if you've been a parent once, twice or trice. Everything similar is never the same, so one'll just need to learn and grow along the way, feeling life as it should be.

Dear children,
Thank you all for letting me grow with you. Without you all, my life experiences will just be lingering around when I married your mum. Perhaps I'll then alway be her only pampered one.....

Love,
Dad

A Blissful Start

I can still vividly remember, the day I was informed that Christine was expecting. We were at the Emergency Department of our local general hospital late midnight due to complications with Christine's pneumatorax (lung colapses). There was plenty of movements and we were like ants scuttling around places in the ED for consultations, scans and payments with the doctors, nurses and registerations.

But everything suddenly just came to a standstill when a doctor came to inform that we're expecting our baby (babies in the end as it turn out to be twins). Christine was always laughing away on how I stood dazed in the ED for minutes before coming to. Never did believed her but I really couldn't recall what happened during that few minutes. It seems to be a fact that I couldn't really handle good news. The other time which I was caught in a daze was when the obstetrician updated we'll be having twins, but that was only for a mere few tens of seconds.

Anyways, the rest of the expentency came by with the intense shopping of baby clothings and toys. We decorated our new apartment, sectoring off a part of our bedroom for the baby cradles, organising weekend get-togethers with friends, knowing that this may be the very few last gathering before the heavy works of parenthood arrives, and god knows what we could think of to say goodbye to sweet old couplehood.

Well, the boys came to this world on 7th Jun 2002. Yes, I do agree that they have since been a great pain in our daily lives, but I will not trade anything for that not to happen. Looking back at the pictures and videos we took over the years, I couldn't think of anything more meaningful than being a part of their lifes and growing up with them.

Boys, stay off the Wii and television..... and stop the screaming.

Meaning

It can be very demoralising to know that one would not be remembered for more than 2 or 3 generations down, except for a few lucky ones who made their names in history. While I was bathing the other day, a thought just came through my mind that we humans are actually as puny as an ant could be.

Come to think of it, I don't even remember who my grandparents were, paternal or maternal. I mean, it's not like I want to forget them, it's just that I was too young to even remember anything. There were no photographs to remind me of them, no books nor letters. Just some stories that my dad had told me about. The problem with stories, it's like reading someone else's and it's not at all personal.

The thinking made me wonder if there could be more for me to do for my children. With the technology available these days, I could easily made some clips or write sometime to store somewhere so that they could watch or read them someday, with or without me around. I tried blogging previously... a few years back, but that didn't last, probably it's only out of curiosity. Perhaps with a new meaning to why I should start blogging again....

Here's to my beloved kids...Ross, Ryan and Heidi.

Love you all...
Dad.